


The Sun Will Rise Again

by thevalesofanduin



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death Fix, Feels, M/M, gift-fic, lots of feels, well sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-12 17:45:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1194006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevalesofanduin/pseuds/thevalesofanduin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Battle of the Five Armies has long since passed. The dead have been buried, the wounded have healed and a year and a half after the battle the people of Erebor are returning home.</p><p>Bilbo is home as well, in Bag-End. Where he mourns the loss of the other half of his soul and has tea with Eglantine, Esmeralda and Primula once a week in an attempt to continue with his life again.</p><p>One day, though, it's not Eglantine knocking his door right in time for tea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ajir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ajir/gifts).



> For the lovely Ajir and her wonderful prompt which you can find [here](http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/8973.html?thread=19529229).
> 
> Hope you enjoy it, love! And of course I hope that everyone else loves it too! <3

With a soft, relieved sigh Bilbo looks around the room and mentally checks his list one more time.

The table is dressed with fine china, his best silverware and porcelain vases filled with the most beautiful flowers he could find in his garden.

The cakes are all done, covered with cloth and the different kinds of cream are all in the alcove to stay cool until they’re ready to be served.

Water has been boiled and is being kept warm on the stove and at least six different flavors of tea are neatly set out on the table.

Napkins…

“Oh,” he mumbles and sets off to the linen-closet. That’s what he forgot!

He does a quick count of who are coming – Primula, Eglantine and Esmeralda – and takes the required amount of napkins – finest cloth with simple embroidery.

He folds them and puts them next to each plate. When he’s done he stands back and regards the table.

Yes, perfect.

Just like every week.

He leans against the arch of the doorway, wrapping his arms around his shoulders as he smiles sadly. All three ladies are doing this because they care and, in some way, probably because they enjoy it too sometimes. But Bilbo knows full well that if it weren’t for him these three ladies would never suffer through tea together every single week.

He has told them countless times they don’t have to. But after Primula found him crying in his kitchen over a cup of tea a little over a year and a half ago, it was a set appointment. The others were invited later, after Primula had managed to drag the story out of Bilbo – about his ‘adventure’, Erebor, the battle and of how he had lost his heart to someone that went where he could never follow. They’d been told snippets of the story but an explanation was not needed. They all could see straight away he was mourning the loss of the other half of his soul. And they helped him through it the only way they knew how.

By harassing him with visits, forcing him to be a proper hobbit and host.

Bilbo doesn’t quite want to admit it, but it helps.

Most of the time, at least.

 

There is a knock to the door that startles Bilbo from his melancholic thoughts.

He shakes his head, tells himself that the hope he feels at who is at the door is not worth it. Eglantine is always the first arrive around this time and besides, Gandalf had told him Fili wouldn’t make it through the night. As he has heard nothing from Erebor nor Gandalf, well silence says more than any letter could.

He hurries to the door, straightens his waistcoat with the clammy palms of his hands and puts a smile on his face before opening the door.

“Good afternoon, Eglantine.” He starts when the door opens but what he sees on his doorstep is not Eglantine dressed in her finest dress, widest petticoat and hair pulled up with her finest ribbons.

He watches the pair in front of him with wide eyes, clenching the door in his grip and he takes shuddering breaths as his knees buckle beneath him.

_Oh no_ , he thinks, feeling dizzy and blinking in the hopes that this illusion will disappear. _I have gone mad._

The pair of dwarves standing on his doorstep grins at him, one blond and one brunette – Fili and Kili.

But how.

They have matching grins, so familiar it’s almost painful and Bilbo isn’t sure if he feels happy or noxious.

“Fili,” the blond bows his head.

“And Kili,” the brunette follows.

“At your service!” They chorus, looking up at him with a happiness – although Fili’s is a bit more insecure – and radiance – Fili’s eyes glittering bright with affection and hope.

Bilbo feels like all air has been sucked out of him and he loses his balance, leaning to the side so he can rest against the door rather than fall to the ground.

He gapes at Fili. Sweet, tender and brave Fili whom he’d seen on the battlefield, bleeding. Whom he’d been informed would not see another rising sun again.

Fili, whom he has mourned.

“No,” he rasps, mouth dry and he shakes his head as a humorless laugh passes his lips. “This can’t be. I’ve gone insane.”

Fili’s face crumbles, smile making way for a frown and hope clearing for worry. “Bilbo?” He steps forward, reaching out and gently touching his hand to Bilbo’s.

A whimper escapes Bilbo and he pulls back his hand as if burned, looking at Fili with wide eyes and his heart all but in his throat. The spot where Fili’s fingers touched his burns and Bilbo cradles it to his chest. “You’re real.”

Fili looks devastated at those words, a heartbroken expression on his face and his lips tremble. “Oh Bilbo,” he whispers.

Bilbo sobs.

Then, Fili is stepping forward, gathering him in his arms so hard it hurts. His fingers are digging in Bilbo’s back as hard as Bilbo’s are digging in Fili’s arms. Fili presses his lips against Bilbo’s forehead, mumbling “I’m real, Bilbo. I’m real,” before pulling Bilbo even closer.

All Bilbo can do is cry.

\---

The three of them are now gathered inside.

Fili and Kili are sitting at Bilbo’s neatly dressed table, watching Bilbo flit around nervously, while Bilbo pours them tea.

He’s taking far longer than he really needs to to prepare three cups but he needs it. He needs the time to get rid of those ridiculous hiccups, get the tears from his eyes and to calm his racing heart.

When he’s poured the tea he turns around and hands Kili a cup.

“Thanks,” Kili gives him a small smile. He takes in Bilbo’s disheveled appearance, his bloodshot eyes and trembling hands but doesn’t comment.

Then Bilbo turns to give Fili his cup.

But when Fili takes the cup he holds onto Bilbo’s wrist, pleading eyes glancing up at Bilbo with hints of desperation. “Bilbo, I –”

But Fili is interrupted by someone knocking the door and Bilbo is quick to pull back his hand, step back and take some distance.

He might have cried in Fili’s arms but he still can’t believe this is real. Fili is – was – dead. Has been for over a year and a half! He has mourned him. So if Fili is now alive, he has been all along. Then how could he have let Bilbo mourn him?

Another knock to the door, followed by Eglantine’s voice, laced with worry. “Bilbo, darling?”

Fili’s eyes snap towards the direction of the door, devastation clear in his eyes.

Bilbo’s heart clenches at the sight and he wishes for nothing more than to throw himself into Fili’s arms. Fili who is alive when he shouldn’t be and –

Bilbo all but runs to the front door.

He takes a trembling breath, hands shaking as he opens the door and he can only imagine the mess he must look like.

Eglantine raises a skeptical eyebrow at him when she sees him. She leans forward a bit, glancing into the house with suspicious eyes. “I heard there are dwarves here.” She says, sounding protective.

Bilbo nods. “There are.”

Eglantine huffs and crosses her arms in front of her chest. “Well, that’s no good. What do dwarves want with you anyways?” She asks, raising her voice as she continues so she’s certain everyone inside Bilbo’s dining-room can hear her. “Haven’t they done enough damage?”

Bilbo’s eyes widen. Of course, he should have known Primula would tell! “Eglantine!” He scolds.

“Well, it is the truth. You have given them enough and they haven’t even had the decency to write a thank-you letter in the past year and a half. Scandalous, if you ask me!” She huffs, shaking her head and stepping closer to Bilbo. She isn’t looking at him, though, but glaring into the house. “So unless the one that stole your heart has arisen from the dead, methinks no dwarf has any business with you whatsoever.”

Bilbo chokes at that, stumbling backwards.

Eglantine is at his side in a second, a hand on his shoulder while the other is brushing his curls back like a mother would do to a scared child.

Just then, both Fili and Kili appear in the doorway looking alarmed and ready to defend Bilbo if necessary. Upon seeing the hobbit lass, Kili blinks owlishly while Fili looks even more devastated than before.

“Bilbo,” Eglantine murmurs his name, her tone indicating what Bilbo thinks she must realize herself. He has told numerous stories of the company. About who they were. About how they looked. She knows who they are, but also knows that theoretically speaking at least one of them should not be alive. “Are these…”

“Yes.”

She gasps at the answer, looking at Bilbo and leaning in close, whispering in his ear: “I thought he was dead.”

Bilbo's throat feels raw when he swallows. He nods shakily, raising his hands to grasp onto Eglantine like she is his life-line to reality. “So did I.”

"Oh, darling." Eglantine squeezes his shoulder. She gives him a watery smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "That's good, isn't it?"

"It ought to be." He whispers.

Eglantine lets her hand slide over his shoulder in little circles. "Do you want me to talk to them?" _Kick them out, chase them away so they will never bother you again!_

"Well, them is still standing here so go right ahead." Kili comments impatiently, watching the two hobbits with a frown.

Bilbo tries very hard not to smile at the other's impatient and slightly immature behavior before it brings back too many memories.

Meanwhile both Fili and Eglantine glare at Kili, who takes a small step back with his hands raised in the air. "Sorry," he mumbles dejectedly - like always, he hasn't thought about his words before saying them.

"Don't be." Eglantine says with a smile on her lips - a dangerous one, Bilbo knows. She pats Bilbo's shoulder and steps sideward so she is fully facing the dwarves. "I'd love to talk with you."

Bilbo groans, despite the situation. He isn't a little child that can't take care of himself. He might feel touched by her defensiveness on his part but really, he can - and has to - deal with this himself.

"Eglantine," he puts a hand on her shoulder and when she looks at him with a frown he gives her a smile. "I, too, would like to talk with them."

"Oh," Eglantine gasps, like she only just realizes the situation she must have interrupted. "Oh, yes of course!" She sends the dwarves a wary glance. "It will be all right?"

Bilbo gives her a re-assuring nod. "It will be."

"Right, okay." She nods and pushes a hand down her skirt to straighten non-excitant wrinkles. "If not, you just shout and Hamfast will come. I'll tell him on my way home that you have... visitors."

Bilbo nods and hugs Eglantine, pressing the side of his head against hers as he whispers: “Thank you.”

“Of course.” She draws back with a laugh, swatting Bilbo’s shoulder playfully. “And don’t you think we will stop coming over for tea now, darling.”

“Too bad,” Bilbo returns with a grin.

Eglantine laughs as she walks out of the door. On the doorstep she pauses, looking to the right and glancing at Bilbo over her shoulder. “And I shall tell Esmeralda and Prim they can turn around.”

“You do that.” Bilbo nods and walks to the door, watching Eglantine make her way down his front yard towards his fence. “Eglantine!” He calls when she’s opening the gate.

She turns with a grin. “You are welcome, Bilbo.”

 

When the door is closed Bilbo takes a deep breath. Then, he turns around to face Fili and Kili.

Before he can even properly look at the both of them - at Fili - Kili demands: "Who was that?”

Bilbo rolls his eyes. Figures. “Eglantine.”

“Yes, I gathered. Who is Eglantine?” Kili pushes.

Bilbo raises an eyebrow. “Is it that important? Mind you, I did have an entire life here before leaving on that… that bloody adventure with you all! Family, like Eglantine.” He points out.

Kili has the decency to at least look like a kicked puppy.

Bilbo sighs and shakes his head. “But that’s not important, now is it? We have more important things to talk about.” He finishes softly, eyes on Fili.

Fili who is now looking at him an expression that is torn between anger and confusion. “Indeed.” His voice is soft and hoarse. “Like how you thought I was…” Fili swallows, hands trembling at his sides.

Bilbo straightens his back, raising his chin and looking at Fili with a self-assurance that is obviously fake. The tears in his eyes and his wavering voice indicate as much. “Y-yes.”

“But how?” Fili wonders aloud and then shakes his head, turning accusing eyes to Bilbo. “I always thought you didn’t… that you were homesick. But dead!” He cries suddenly. “You thought me dead?!”

“You blame me?" Bilbo's eyes widen in shock. "I was told you would not make it through the night!" He cries, shuddering at the memory. "What was I to do, when still banished from the kingdom with my only safe way home departing and knowing the only reason for me to stay gone?" His voice gets louder and louder as he speaks, a desperate note setting into it. He takes a deep breath and lowers his eyes, feeling so tired and dejectedly mutters: "I could hardly stay for your funeral while I knew I wasn't wanted, now couldn’t I?”

"Wasn't wanted?" Fili echoes, shocked. Then, sounding mournful, he asks: "How could you think that?"

Bilbo huffs, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Your uncle made that quite obvious." He sounds bitter. He feels it, too.

Fili swallows, looking guilty for a moment. Then he is frowning again, hurt in his eyes as he mumbled: '"But… dead!”

“Yes, Fili, dead!" Bilbo snaps angrily, glaring at Fili with tears in his eyes and his entire frame is shaking from both grief and anger. Seeing Fili's surprise at his angry tone makes him feel a bit better, though, yet he cannot help but bitterly snap: "Imagine what that felt like.”

Fili freezes, looking like a bucket of cold water has been thrown over his head. His eyes are wide and his visage pale.

Bilbo takes a shuddering breath, willing his tears away. “I had to make the journey home with no-one but Gandalf. I was tired, I was hurt and all I could think of was you. Being dead! Coming back here, with no dwarves in my smial and Gandalf leaving straight away…” a soft sob passes his lips. “I-I’d hoped that over time someone might visit… But no-one has and I never received news or letters. Nothing. Like, like I’d done my job and been dismissed.” He turns his head away, staring at the floor with tears creeping down his cheeks.

Kili gasps, opening and closing his mouth and shaking his head in disbelief. “No… Bilbo you know that’s not true!”

“How!” Bilbo demands, glaring at Kili. “How was I supposed to know after…” He trails off and turns his eyes to Fili. “Why did I have to be alone for such a long time?” He whispers brokenly.

Why now? Why did you take so long? Why did you never write? Did you truly think I cared so little?

A lot of questions are being asked by that simple question and the way Kili shuffles his feet and Fili nervously clenches his hands are enough signs to show that the brothers know it too. Although Bilbo is only interested in hearing an answer from one of them.

Fili takes a shaky breath and rubs a hand over his temple, averting his eyes and staring at the floor. “I… you left so suddenly. When I woke up, the first person I asked for was you. I wanted to hold you, kiss you a-and just know you were alive." He admits softly, glancing at Bilbo with insecurity in his eyes. "But you were gone already. No-one had seen you leave in the chaos and I just… I thought you –" Fili trails off, turning his eyes away again with hurt shining in them.

“That I what?” Bilbo demands, although his voice shakes and his body feels cold while his heart is trying to beat out of his chest. What could Fili possible have thought of him after he'd left?

“That you didn’t care." Fili admits and he looks a mix between hurt and ashamed. "That you were angry with uncle, with me and that you’d left because we had screwed up so badly." He hesitates for a second, glancing at Kili almost likes he's looking for support. Then he turns to look at Bilbo and, voice thick with emotion, says: "I… why it took so long is because I was afraid. I just couldn’t bear the thought of seeing you and hearing you say you hated me. But after all that time… I felt like seeing you, one last time and I hoped maybe as a friend. It took me a year and a half to dare to take the risk of confirming that I had indeed had my one love unrequited. And now, it seems I was wrong and you thought I was…” Fili chokes, biting back a sob and his entire frame trembles as he looks at Bilbo with sorrow, regret and guilt in his eyes, tears streaking his cheeks. “I am so sorry.”

Bilbo feels like the air has been knocked out of him. He can only stare at Fili, at a loss for words at the heartfelt confession. 

He’s been so sad for his loss and now with Fili here he is so angry that he has had to wait so long, felt abandoned for so long. But what for? They have both made poor decisions, mistakes they will never be able to rectify. But in the end Fili hadn’t come because he was scared that Bilbo didn’t love him because Bilbo left because he thought Fili had died. 

But that all isn’t true. Fili is here, standing in his hallway and he loves Bilbo just as much as Bilbo loves him.

With his heart aching for Fili - because he looks so devastated, so _broken_ – Bilbo rushes forward. He all but throws himself against Fili, who has his arms around him tightly before he can blink.

He sobs softly against the other’s chest, hands clenching Fili’s tunic and small frame shaking. “Me too,” he cries. “I’m sorry too.”

“No, Bilbo, no.” Fili gently cradles Bilbo’s face in the palms of his hands, raising the other’s head so their eyes meet and his thumbs rub small circles against his lips. He leans forward to press a kiss against the top of Bilbo’s head, tears still in his eyes yet now there is happiness and relief as well. “There is nothing you should apologize for.”

“But –” Bilbo starts to protest. He >em>should be apologizing! He left Fili because he had been too scared to see the other dead. Yet if only he had checked then they wouldn’t be here. In this situation with feelings to sort out and with the old hurt and painful memories between them.

“Love,” Fili murmurs.

The one word makes Bilbo still completely, a warmth and joy spreading through his body at the word of endearment he was certain he would never hear again.

“I might have lost you, but I will not lose you again.” Fili promises, a hand stroking through Bilbo’s curls while the other caresses his cheeks tenderly while a besotted and adorning smile on his lips. “We will work this out.”

Then he leans forward, touching his lips to Bilbo and kissing him with so much love and yearning it makes Bilbo’s head spin and his toes curl.

He returns the kiss, trying to pour all of the emotions he’s felt in the past year and a half in it.

It works.

For they desperately grip at each other and stumble backwards until Fili is leaning against the wall and Bilbo is all but trying to push him through it with how tightly pressed he is against Fili. It’s like he is trying to crawl into him and, preferably, never leave.

And when Kili leaves the two of them for a smoke outside, neither notice.

Instead at some point Fili breaks their kiss, and he all but collapses to the ground with his shaking legs finally giving in.

Bilbo follows suit, crawling into Fili’s lap, nuzzling his neck while his hands are all but permanently clenched into the other’s tunic.

Fili winds his arms around Bilbo, pulling him even closer and leaning his head against Bilbo’s mumbling his name over and over again like a mantra.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, SO sorry with how long this took to edit! I've been so busy and... social! It seems now I finally have some time so here is the next chapter and I hope it was worth the wait!

That evening Fili takes Bilbo to bed.

At first, everything is shy and tentative. Both of them are insecure, not knowing which boundaries now exist between them. There is a distance between them, with Fili’s body hovering over Bilbo’s but not touching and Bilbo’s hands stroking Fili’s back but not lingering. There is hesitance in the way Fili kisses Bilbo and when Bilbo runs his fingers through Fili’s hair it is obvious he is holding back.

It is like they are rediscovering each other.

In a way, they are. It’s been so long and there is now as much love between them as there is pain.

But when Fili licks his tongue up Bilbo’s ear and teases the tip with a nip, Bilbo gasps and his hand tightens in Fili’s hair, pulling slightly the mood seems to shift.

This is familiar. This _feels_ familiar. This reminds the both of them what exactly they lost after the Battle of Five Armies. What they have longed for a year and a half. What they were both so desperate to find again but afraid to do so. This is _them_.

“Fili,: Bilbo pleads, a desperation slipping into his voice that hadn’t been there seconds earlier. His hands slip down to Fili’s cheeks, cupping them and raising the other’s head so they can look at each other. “Please.”

Fili’s breath stutters for a moment and then he smirks. “Whatever you desire, little one.” He leans down and kisses Bilbo. Just slightly awkward at first but when Bilbo starts kissing back it’s like a passion returns to him. He pushes his body closer to Bilbo, skin finally touching skin and it sets fire to their kiss. He pushes his hands into Bilbo’s hair, lets his tongue trace the other’s lips and when Bilbo returns the gesture he can’t help but push his hips downward.

Bilbo gasps, hips bucking now that they are so close at last. Finally, finally everything is Fili and it feels good, _so good_ like a burn and all he wants is more. “Show me. “ He murmurs against Fili’s lips. Their kiss breaks and Bilbo nips at the other’s lower-lip before flicking his tongue over it in apology. He draws his head back, locking eyes with Fili. Fire meets fire and if they both shudder then neither minds. Voice low, husky and filled with desire Bilbo pleads: “Show me how much you love me.”

Fili does.

He kisses Bilbo until the hobbit is breathless.

He maps out the other’s soft, pale skin with his big, calloused hands until Bilbo is arching into his every touch and whimpering, soft whispered pleads for more escaping his lips.

When Bilbo turns them around and strokes and licks every scar Fili has, Fili trembles on the sheets and feverishly clings to Bilbo’s shoulders.

When Fili prepares Bilbo he is gentle, touches full of desire yet slow and soft. When he adds a second finger and Bilbo stiffens he leans down to kiss the other’s neck, his ears, his cheeks his lips. 

“I love you,” he whispers when he adds a third finger, kissing Bilbo so intensely with so much love and desire they’re both seeing stars.

“L-love you, too.” Bilbo whimpers and then begs for Fili to please, _please_ make love to me!

Making love to Bilbo is like coming home. It’s like everything that has fallen out of place is suddenly in its spot again. When he looks at Bilbo he sees the same look in his eyes and he can only lean forward and kiss Bilbo.

His thrusts at first are slow and sweet, almost resembling torture and it isn’t long before Bilbo is begging for more.

Fili is happy to give.

Neither lasts long. It has been long, _so_ long and they both want and need and take.

Bilbo is clinging to Fili, pulling him closer and closer and if it hurts just a bit then he doesn’t care.

Fili is almost frantic, hips snapping over and over again and he strokes Bilbo with trembling hands.

Bilbo comes first, crying Fili’s name with a sob and burying his head into the crook of Fili’s neck as his whole body trembles.

Hearing Bilbo cry his name, feeling his body tremble, it’s enough to throw Fili over the edge with a possessive growl.

They cling to each other, a sticky, trembling mess trying to catch their breaths. But neither is inclined to move because finally, _finally_ they feel like they are where they belong

\---

“Come back home with me.” Fili asks him blissfully happy a few days later.

It’s morning, sunlight streaming into the bedroom and Bilbo was cuddled nicely against Fili’s chest, drowsing pleasantly.

Until Fili spoke.

He freezes, drawing back with wide eyes. His mind panics and he can only swallow.

When Fili’s face falls, Bilbo feels guilty.

“Fili…” He starts, sounding hesitant and distant. 

“I’m sorry,” Fili says, pushing himself away from Bilbo and he is standing besides the bed before Bilbo can blink. “Forget I asked.” Fili shakes his head, grabs his clothes from the ground and the click of the door closing behind Fili’s retreating back is awfully loud to Bilbo.

“Bugger.” He mutters, hands clenching in the sheets.

 

When he walks into the kitchen he finds Kili sitting at the table with a cup of tea.

Fili isn’t there.

He feels a pang of guilt shoot through him.

“Morning,” Kili looks up with a small smile. 

“Morning.” Bilbo greets. He fidgets with his coat and asks: “Have you seen Fili?”

Kili’s expression darkens just a bit and he shakes his head. He takes a breath, a sip from his cup and then looks at Bilbo again, friendliness back on his face. “He’s taking a walk.”

Bilbo lowers his eyes. “Oh.”

Kili twirls the tea inside the cup around. “Something happen?”

Bilbo knows that Kili knows that something happened. The dark look he got when he asked where Fili was had been enough indication. He just isn’t sure if Kili knows what happened. “Maybe.” Bilbo says, trying to avoid really answering.

He makes his way over to the stove, starting First Breakfast.

"Maybe?" Kili echoes, sounding thoughtful.

Bilbo swallows but doesn't say anything. What can he say, really? He walks to the back of the smial, where it's colder and where he keeps his meats and cheeses. He returns to the kitchen with some bacon, cheese and eggs. He's whisking everything in a bowl - bacon and cheese cut into pieces - when Kili speaks.

"Did you know that Fili was absolutely devastated when he found out you left?" Kili asks casually. He doesn't give Bilbo a chance to reply - for which Bilbo is grateful for he fears he might have snapped - and continues: "Heartbroken. I've always liked you. You're brave and a good friend. But then I truly hated you for what you did to my brother."

Bilbo stands frozen at the kitchen counter. His hands clench around the whisk he's holding and he feels a cold sweat break out on the back of his neck.

Kili hated him?

Bilbo turns around, watching Kili with a frown, feeling insecure.

"That was then, though. Of course that changed." Kili says, giving Bilbo a smile. "Fili is happy now that he’s with you."

Bilbo swallows, a bit taken aback and, if he's really honest, a bit angry and afraid. Hearing Kili say that he at one point hated him is quite the blow. Kili, kind and funny and caring Kili hated him. He might not anymore, but Bilbo is quite certain that Kili intends to say he will when Bilbo hurts Fili - again.

He shakes his head. "I'm happy, too." He smiles softly.

Kili raises an eyebrow. "Then why did Fili look so... disappointed?"

_None of your business._ Bilbo wants to snap. Because shouldn't he talk about this with Fili first? Isn't this something between Fili and him and not something that Kili can just help them with?

Then understanding dawns on Kili's face. "He asked you." He points out, tone accusing.

Bilbo huffs and crosses his hands in front of his chest. "Not with so many words." Then he sighs, shoulders sagging and he looks down to the floor. "But yes, he asked."

Kili's eyes narrow and he leans forward, resting his elbows on the table as he all but glares at Bilbo. "You don't want to go?"

Bilbo feels a rush of anger go through him. He clenches his teeth and says: "Shouldn't I talk with Fili about this first?"

"So there is something to talk about?"

"Of course there is!” Bilbo snaps. His hands are shaking – he wouldn’t be surprised if his whole body was shaking – and his visage pale from the bad memories returning to him.

A hand at his throat. Feet dangling over nothing but air. Silence as Gandalf led him away while his mind was screaming at someone, _anyone_ – Fili! – to stop him, to reason with Thorin. Coldness when he saw Fili fall and nothing but a living body when told he wouldn’t live. The journey home, alone without his dwarven companions whom he had considered friends. Silence in Bag End with no visitors – or at least not the ones he wished for. Disappointment, every day over and over when he did not receive news or letters from Erebor.

He feels tears stinging his eyes and draws a trembling breath. “I can't just... just go to Erebor.” He manages.

"Why not?" Kili demands, although his voice is softer now, a bit more careful perhaps.

No matter how soft Kili might have spoken, Bilbo still bristles at the question. "Why do you think?” He asks, voice loud and rising and he is quite certain that if he continues he will be yelling. But he doesn’t care, can’t stop because why doesn’t Kili just _let it be_? “Did you forget what happened? What was said and done? What Thorin -"

"What is going on here?" Fili’s voice cuts through Bilbo’s tirade sharply.

Bilbo freezes, feeling like a bucket of cold water has just been thrown over his head. He turns his head to the doorway, where Fili is watching them with an annoyed expression, hands crossed in front of his chest.

_This isn’t good._ Bilbo thinks. First he upsets Fili and now he finds Bilbo arguing with his brother over the same subject that had upset him. _Bugger._

Out of the two of them, Kili is the first to speak. He stands up and looks at his brother. "Nothing." He replies tightly, shaking his head and doing his very best to not look at Bilbo - who still has puffy cheeks and tears in his eyes.

Fili's nostrils flare and he returns his brother’s glare, instinctively stepping closer to Bilbo. "It doesn't look like nothing to me."

“We were just talking.” Kili grumpily says.

“Just talking?” Fili demands, his voice strained and Bilbo isn’t sure if he’s ever seen the other so angry.

Kili, not impressed by his brother’s mood, shrugs. “Well, I can’t help it that he got upset.”

“You can’t help it?” Fili asks with a huff of laughter, like he can’t believe what he’s just heard.

Bilbo shrinks back a bit, looking between the brothers. He’s the one that’s caused this…

“Maybe it’s you that did it with asking him, you know.” Kili points out, waving a hand into Bilbo’s direction.

Bilbo shuffles uncomfortably. He gets that they’re fighting. That they’re brothers and that it’s different than between others but it doesn’t mean he isn’t torn up between staying silent or speaking up. He glances at Fili, who is looking at his brother with a murderous expression.

He should put a stop to his, shouldn’t he?

“Kili.” Fili suddenly growls, the sound making Bilbo jump. 

“Fili.”

With another growl, Fili steps forward and slams his hands down onto the table so he is level with Kili, lips set in a thin line and eyes filled with anger. “What is going on?”

Kili stars at Fili. He holds his gaze for what feels like an eternity. Then he looks at Bilbo. "The hobbit doesn't want to go to Erebor. That's what's going on!"

Silence follows the statement.

Kili is glaring at Bilbo, who is nervously and anxiously watching Fili who is avoiding looking at anyone.

Bilbo swallows and rubs a shaky hand over his temple.

Why did everything have to be so… so dramatic?

“All right, you know what… I’m just going to finish breakfast.” He awkwardly breaks the silence. He nods to himself and turns around to continue what he was doing before Kili tried and got involved in something he should’ve kept his noisy nose out of.

“Bilbo,” Fili starts, sounding sad, hesitant.

Bilbo shakes his head. “We have to at least eat! After that we can…” _say goodbye_ “talk.”

He hears Fili sigh in resignation. “Fine.”

\---

Breakfast is awkward.

Fili is glaring at his brother and Bilbo is just trying to be as silent and slow as possible.

He’s halfway through his plate of eggs when Kili sighs loudly.

Bilbo looks up just in time to see the other throw a piece of bread down onto the table and glaring at the pair in front of him. “I’m out. I will be back later and by Aulë you better have talked when I come back!”

He’s storming out of the room when Bilbo mutters: “It’s because of you it’s like this.”

The front door slamming is the only reply he gets.

"The rudeness." Bilbo mutters a bit darkly, glaring at the empty space Kili left.

"He's just worried." Fili says, defending his brother but then shaking his head with a sigh. "Although he has no right to talk to you like that. Especially not about... this." He trails off, swallowing.

"He is right, though. We do need to talk."

"Yeah," Fili sighs, looking up at Bilbo with an unreadable expression - although looking between the small cracks of Fili's mask Bilbo can see apprehension. "So you do not wish to go to Erebor with me?"

Bilbo swallows thickly, putting down his cutlery and staring at the table. What can he say, really? He doesn't want to break Fili's heart but he doesn't ever want to set foot in Erebor again, either. "I do want to be with you."

Fili sighs, rubs a hand over his forehead and sighs. "Just not at Erebor."

The way it's said in makes Bilbo's heart hurt. Fili sounds so disappointed, like all the future he had in mind when coming here is completely shattered. Bilbo reaches out a hand to touch Fili's clenched one, which is resting on the table. "Fili..."

"It's my home, Bilbo." Fili says, shaking his hand and Bilbo is sure he can feel Fili's hand tremble under his. "My family lives there."

Bilbo feels a pang of guilt at those words. “I know!” Bilbo says and in a well of emotion stands up and walks around the table to Fili. He drags a chair with him, setting it down next to Fili and sits down. His knees are touching Fili’s legs and he leans forward to take one of Fili’s hands in his and cupping the other’s cheek with his other hand. “I _know_ , Fili. And I would come with you if I knew it wouldn’t…” He takes a breath, softly bits his lip and then softly and almost a bit hesitantly admits: “break me.”

The choice of words seems to stun Fili. His eyes widen and he stares at Bilbo for a few moments. “Break you?” He repeats, voice soft and stunned. Then understanding dawns on his face and he cups Bilbo’s cheek gently, carefully with sadness in his eyes. “Oh Bilbo… we have no idea what we really did to you, do we?”

Bilbo’s lips tremble and he lowers his eyes, his own hand falling from Fili’s cheek as he feels vulnerable. _We_ isn’t just Fili and Kili. _We_ is the entire company, Thorin included.

“Bilbo,” Fili says softly, fingers on Bilbo’s chin to raise the other’s head so he can look at the hobbit with a sad smile. “Bilbo talk to me. We said we would make this work, remember?”

_Hope_. That is what Bilbo feels in that moment. Hope that maybe they _can_ work this out.

“I know.” He admits. “But it feels so unfair. You came all the way here, for me without even knowing if I loved you or not. And now…” Bilbo swallows. “I love you, Fili. More than anything and I want to be with you. I just… I just don’t think I can ever go back there. I mean… I mean, I –” Bilbo releases a shaky breath, closing his eyes and trying to keep his emotions in check and his tears at bay. “I still have nightmares.”

“Of course you do.” Fili leans forward to hug Bilbo – a hug that feels awkward with Fili leaning sideways and Bilbo being pulled forwards. One of Fili’s hands slips into Bilbo’s hair, stroking soothingly. “The battle was horrible for even us. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like for you.”

“When I close my eyes, I still feel Thorin’s hand around my neck.” He mumbles into Fili’s hair, voice void of any emotion as he feels cold thinking about it.

Fili freezes, hand stilling in Bilbo’s hair and a soft gasp escapes him.

“You say you don’t really know what you did to me…” Bilbo starts and clings to Fili’s shoulders. “And I think that’s true.”

He looks at Fili, who is looking him with shock and sorrow on his face. He feels torn between soothing the one he loves and breaking down the honest yet awful truth. That he’s hurt, so hurt in ways he thinks he can never quite mend. Not to hurt Fili, but to make him understand.

He swallows, softly saying: “I can’t say it enough, Fili. I love you so much. But living in Erebor with Thorin and everyone else…” _Thorin who tried to kill me and the rest who did nothing to stop him._ “I can’t.” Bilbo sobs, burying his head against Fili’s shoulder.

“I understand, love.” Fili soothes, gently carding his fingers through Bilbo’s hair and pulling him closer. “And if you can’t go to Erebor then I will just have to stay here.” He adds, sounding a combination between happy and sad.

Bilbo gasps. He pulls away so he can look at Fili, eyes rimmed red and wide. “You would do that?”

“Of course,” Fili rubs a thumb over Bilbo’s cheek. “I did consider it on the way here. Not of free will, mind you. I had no hope but Kili made me. Asked me what I would do if you did love me and begged me to stay.” His lips twitch up into a sad smile. “I was reluctant and it’s not the choice I would have made if it was just me. But it’s not just me and… and I now know what it feels like to lose you.” Fili says and with a shuddering breath draws Bilbo close again, bringing their foreheads together with a smile. “I will not do so again.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,
> 
> Thank you for your patience! I completely forgot to post this, truth be told... I'm just not used to having any multi-chaptered story finished by the time I post the first chapter.
> 
> In either case, this is the last one and I hope you all enjoy it!

Kili returns much later.

Bilbo is certain it’s almost afternoon but he isn’t quite sure as he’s been dosing on one of his couches, wrapped up in Fili’s arms.

When he sees the two lovers, Kili pauses in the doorway and watches them with a smile – and if it’s a bit sad, then neither Bilbo nor Fili comments on it.

“Ran into a hobbit lass on my walk.” He says, watching the pair in front of him with a smile. “Asked me if I was taking proper care of ‘the poor sod’.” He chuckles and holds up his hands when he looks at Bilbo. “True words, I swear.”

Bilbo can’t help but laugh. It sounded an awful lot like Primula. “No worries, I believe you.”

“Good,” Kili heaves a mock-sigh of relief. “Would hate to find that lass again to defend my word. Awfully persistent she is, quite suspicious too. I had to tell her at least thrice that you are being treated fine and are doing well. Did advice her to wait a few hours to come check that out for herself, of course.”

Fili and Bilbo both laugh but when Kili’s expression turns serious, their smiles fall straight away.

“But it isn’t really true, is it?” Kili asks. He looks guilty, wry smile directed at Bilbo. “I haven’t been treating you well at all.”

Fili sat silently on the couch, watching his brother with a small smile feeling grateful for the fact Kili had come to his senses and was apologizing.

Bilbo, however, shook his head and smiled at Kili. “No, no that’s not true. You were just worried. Quite understandable, I think.”

“Thank you.” Kili acknowledges Bilbo’s words but sighs nonetheless. “But it really isn’t. I spoke rashly and unfairly without for a moment considering the consequences or your feelings. For that, I am sorry and I hope you can forgive me my childish outburst.”

“Of course I do.” Bilbo smiles gently at Kili, eyes filled with affection now that he knows Fili is staying and Kili doesn’t hate him. The voice in the back of his mind that tells him Kili might when he finds out Bilbo has ‘stolen’ Fili, is ignored. “In fact, I fear if you hadn’t gotten so angry we might have never talked. Not in the way that we did.”

“Indeed.” Fili brushes a hand through Bilbo’s hair.

Kili grins. “Good! It’s good to see you two happy.” He hesitates for a moment, licking his lips, before asking: “So how did it… go?” _Are you coming to Erebor with us?_

“It went well.” Fili answers before Bilbo can, placing a hand on top of Bilbo’s shoulder and squeezing softly to indicated that he will be the one answering Kili’s question.

Bilbo doesn’t mind. 

“Although perhaps the outcome isn’t what either of us expected.”

Kili frowns in confusion. “What do you mean?” 

Now it is Fili’s turn to hesitate. 

Bilbo knows it must be hard for Fili, telling his brother he will not be going home with him. Deep down, Bilbo feels guilty but at the moment he is too happy to truly care.

Fili gives his brother a weak smile. “I’m staying here, Kili.”

Kili gasps, eyes widening and he looks like he’s been slapped. He swallows, looks down to the ground and then up at Fili again. “Well, that _is_ unexpected.” He manages.

“Kili,” Fili says in worry and he is itching to get up and hug his baby brother to his chest.

He does.

He is in front of Kili within a few steps, arms around his brother’s shoulder and the side of his head pressed against the side of Kili’s head in a firm, tight hug.

Kili returns the hug for a fleeting moment before he hits his brother in the back with a fist. “Stop it, you oaf! I’m happy for you.” He laughs and it sounds genuinely happy. He means it. “I’ll miss you but I think I’ll live. You’ll just have to put up with me visiting at least once a year.”

Fili pulls back, looking at his brother with happiness and apprehension on his face. “You mean it?”

“Of course.” Kili smiles and brings their foreheads together. “I’m happy for you.” He pulls away and looks at Bilbo over Fili’s shoulder. He winks at the hobbit. “The both of you.”

\---

Kili stays another week before he announces one morning during breakfast that he will be heading back to Erebor soon.

Fili is upset and in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

When Bilbo and Fili are in bed that night, Bilbo holds him and strokes his hair thinking he should maybe ask Fili if he is sure he wants to stay. He doesn't, though, and neither does Fili.

The next morning everything is fine again and when Bilbo is doing the dishes after breakfast, Fili and Kili set off to spend some time together. They don't return until dinner and the three eat together, happily chatting and trading stories until it's late and they're all tired.

After a few days, however, it's all over.

That evening Kili is packing his stuff with Fili helping him and Bilbo watching silently.

That night the brothers sleep in the same bed, trying to take as much time together as they can for neither knows when they will see each other again. They don’t sleep a wink.

Bilbo lies in his own bed, alone. He stares at the ceiling and pretends he doesn’t feel guilty or selfish.

The next morning Kili leaves. All three of them get up at the crack of dawn and while Fili and Kili saddle up Kili’s pony Bilbo prepares breakfast. A feast for two princes, their last breakfast together.

It feels too much like a funeral and too little like a small family spending time together. Bilbo gives both boys more and more food, both because it’s comforting and because it means Kili is staying just a bit longer. Kili makes a bad joke to try and lighten the mood. Fili smiles in reply, but it’s crooked.

They continue to eat in silence until Bilbo asks if Fili will be accompanying Kili until the borders of the Shire.

Both brothers perk up at those words.

“That’s a great idea!” Kili grins.

Fili nods. “Indeed.” The smile he gives Bilbo can’t possibly warm the hobbit’s heart any more.

They start chatting again. About Kili’s journey, about the letters Fili has written his family and which Kili will take with him. About when Kili will visit again and who he is going to take. Bilbo smiles softly as he slips another batch of pancakes onto their plates.

Breakfast ends up lasting for more than an hour.

When it’s time to leave Fili and Kili put on their coats, strap on their weapons and with Bilbo wearing his patch-work coat they walk the short distance from Bilbo’s front door to the gate where the ponies are waiting.

“So, uhm…” Bilbo feels a bit nervous suddenly. He knows he is going to miss Kili but now that it’s really time to say goodbye he can’t help but feel as if he’s stealing something from him.

But whereas Bilbo is hesitant and a bit insecure, Kili easily steps forward and engulfs Bilbo in a tight hug. “You take care of my brother for me, all right?” 

Bilbo swallows before returning the hug, hands clenching a bit where they’re holding onto Kili’s coat. “I will.” He promises.

“Good,” Kili draws back with a grin and brings their foreheads together. “And I want you to know that it’s not just Fili that I will be missing.”

Bilbo gasps, eyes widening. He isn’t sure what he expected, but this wasn’t it. It makes him happy to hear Kili will miss him too. He closes his eyes with a smile. “Thank you. I will miss you too.”

When Kili walks to his pony and mounts it, Fili already waiting for him.

“You have a safe journey, all right!” Bilbo worries, even though he knows Fili and Kili have left some guards in Bree that will be escorting Kili home. “And write. A lot!”

Kili laughs and leans down a bit so he can pat Bilbo on the head. “Of course, mister Boggins.”

Bilbo smiles at the nickname and then points a finger at Kili. “And you visit again soon, too.”

Kili smiles. “I will.” He promises and then straightens himself. “Now we best be off if I even want to make it to Bree by nightfall.”

And as the brothers ride off, Bilbo can’t help but watch their retreating backs with a quivering lower-lip.

He goes inside where to himself he curses his selfishness.

\---  
When Fili returns it is late, already dark and Bilbo has food waiting for him, being kept warm on the stove.

He himself is sitting in the parlor, blanket drawn over his shoulders and small fire burning in the fireplace. He hears the front door close, hears Fili take off his boots before Fili’s footsteps carry him through the small hall leading from the entrance hall to the parlor.

Bilbo doesn’t look up, he just continues staring into the fire with guilty tears stinging his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Fili blinks, walking up to Bilbo with a frown on his face. “You’re sorry?”

“Yes.” Bilbo nods with a grimace, turning his head to Fili who is now standing next to him.

Fili kneels down onto the floor, on the rug, next to Bilbo. He cups Bilbo’s cheek in his palm and shakes his head. “You shouldn’t be.”

Bilbo starts to protest, for surely Fili too must realize that this is all Bilbo’s fault. “But I –”

“Hush.” Fili silences Bilbo with a finger to his lip, shaking his head. “You told me you didn’t want to go to Erebor and I decided to stay here. It’s not a terrible decision.” He leans forward and pecks Bilbo’s lips with a smile. “I’m with you, how could this be a bad decision?”

Bilbo blushes and leans forward to kiss Fili.

Fili is right, he thinks. This can’t possibly be a bad decision.

\---

Despite his words, in the days – weeks – that follow Fili still misses Erebor – his brother, his family, his friends – terribly and Bilbo feels guilty for it. Fili is melancholic, slightly homesick and spends a lot of time wandering around Hobbiton.

Wandering Hobbiton, though, Fili starts learning a lot about hobbit culture. It differs a lot from the ways of dwarves, but in many ways he actually likes it better. 

What he doesn’t like, though, is the amount of gossip. But that could very well be because in the first few weeks after he started living with Bilbo _he_ is all every hobbit talks about. There are few that don’t talk, though, but they are afraid of him.

Luckily for him, he’s charming with looks and words so he wins quite a few hobbits for him so quickly it makes Bilbo just a tad bit jealous. Those he doesn’t win, well, he can do without. He just keeps walking and ignores them and over time people cease to talk. Later he hears from Bilbo that Primula, Esmeralda, Eglantine – all three coming over for tea once a week – and _even_ Bilbo’s gardener Hamfast are putting everyone that is speaking one bad word about him into place. He isn’t sure if he should feel offended. 

But he doesn’t.

He just feels at home.

 

A few months after Fili arrived, the couple is slowly but surely finding their footing in their relationship and peace with their decision to stay in the Shire.

After that time goes fast and it isn’t long before Bag-End is the most visited smial in the Shire.

First the letters arrive and then the dwarves who sent them.

The first few visits of the former companions of Thorin Oakenshield make Bilbo feel jealous and angry. They never bothered when he was alone but now that Fili is with him they can’t visit often enough.

But he knows that it’s unreasonable and when Bofur hugs him, when Dori clasps his shoulder and when Dwalin head butts him – _softly_ – that feeling melts away. The smiles, the questions, it all shows that they have missed him as much as he has missed them. So perhaps the fear to visit one another went both ways, Bilbo thinks and buries the hatchet.

They start courting and it is later said that while it was perhaps one of the most romantic courtships in hobbit history – it certainly was in dwarven history – it was also the shortest.

So one Spring day, not even a year after Fili moved in with Bilbo they get married under the party-tree. Almost all the dwarves from the former company attend as well as a lot of hobbits – both wanted and unwanted, but it’s a party so Bilbo can’t find it in himself to care. It turns out to be one of the biggest parties anyone has ever seen and when the sun rises the next morning the last persons leave the party to go to bed.

By that time, Fili and Bilbo had made their exit quite a while ago of course.

 

The dwarves stay for a while, one by one leaving to go home. Some earlier than others due to their obligations back at Erebor and after two months of having had a house full of guests, both Fili and Bilbo are glad to wave the last of their guests off – even if Kili is one of them.

That night when they lie in bed, Bilbo is pressed against Fili’s side, drawing circles on the other’s naked chest with a happy grin. He glances up at Fili. “Still happy?”

“Of course I am.” Fili says, pushing himself up so he’s sitting and pulling Bilbo close, resting his forehead against Bilbo’s. “And now you listen well and you better believe me because this is the last time I’m saying it!” He scolds lightly.

Bilbo can’t help but giggle, but also feel a bit of anticipation at what he’ll hear – although he thinks he knows.

“Staying here was the best decision I’ve ever made and no matter how many times you ask if I’m happy, the answer will always be yes. Is that understood, my husband?”

“Yes,” Bilbo whispers, feeling breathless.

_Husband_

There’s a surge of happiness going through him at the title, but also lust and excitement.

He spends the rest of the night making sure that Fili knows that he understands exactly what his husband just told him.


End file.
